Characters

On Jason’s Origin Story

MelissaLeave a comment

There’s a 46 second clip going semi-viral on GH Soap Twitter right now about Jason’s origin story and Carly’s role in it, and people are rightfully (and maybe not so rightfully) getting upset about it because it isn’t entirely accurate.

I love the Jason Quartermaine –> Jason Morgan origin story. It’s one of the best stories that any soap has really done — they completely changed a legacy’s character’s personality, ripped him from his moorings and launched him into a character that became (like it or not) one of the most popular leading male characters in General Hospital history. It was told in layers with deeply, flawed characters and played out over more than a decade as Jason rejected the Quartermaines, then gradually let them in, but by the time he saw the value in some of those members, it was too late to rebuild. That story stalled out in 2008 for many reasons, but I thought it’d be interesting to talk about that story and how what Laura Wright said about Carly’s role in Jason’s story isn’t actually wrong. (And at the same time, ENTIRELY false, lol)

First, my biases: I still find value in the character of Carly, though I’ve lost most of my interest in Laura’s version of it. That’s not a read on her. She plays what she’s given on the page, and for Carly, the vulnerability was always in the performance, not in the lines. I think Tams and Sarah did that better, but your mileage can absolutely vary on that opinion. I am also a huge Jason fan, and have spent the better part of 22 years writing both these characters.

So — here we go.

Character POV vs. Factual Depictions

There’s a tendency by some to take what characters say as factual — as the show saying this is what happened, and not leaving any room for the point of view the character. There’s that old saying that there’s your side and my side, and somewhere in the middle, the truth exists.

I absolutely believe 100% that Carly holds this view that she was the first person to ever accept Jason after he’d been rejected by everyone. She has always seen herself as the true arbiter of who Jason is, and anyone with a different theory or competing for that role or position is the enemy. She thought Robin was a poor choice for Jason, that she really didn’t get or deserve him. She said the same of Elizabeth and even Sam for a long time. (Let’s leave Courtney out of this.)

We, the viewers, know that’s more complicated. And mostly untrue. But it’s not wrong for Laura to talk about Carly’s perception of that relationship. For her, Jason has always been crystallized as the hot guy in the bar who slept with her even though he said he was in love with someone else and stepped up to save her when Tony and AJ tried to take Michael from her. He’s never grown up in her eyes. Which is ironic.

It’s also not wrong for Jason to feel that, in a lot of ways, Carly was the first one to truly accept him. He says that today in 2024 — with the hindsight of how his life has played out. He told Elizabeth in 1999 that Robin and Sonny were responsible for who he turned out to be. Then he goes on to say that he never really grew up in Robin’s eyes, and I think that’s soured him on the pivotal role she played in his life. Jason now sees himself as the eternal student to Robin’s teacher, constantly correcting him and making choices for him. I think it’d be hard for him now to say Robin truly accepted him because, well. he doesn’t think she did.

We, the viewers, know that Robin was almost definitely right in telling AJ the truth about Michael. She should have done it from the beginning, but the way she did it what resonated in Jason’s life. And he never, ever truly forgave her. It’s one of the reasons Robin was never a romantic option for him again. She would never let him make choices for himself, he thinks. Or maybe she would for a time, but she would always think she had the power to make the final one.

As for Sonny, well — he went on to do the same thing Robin did, didn’t he? Not long after Jason tells Elizabeth that he grew up in Sonny’s eyes, he learns that’s not true. Sonny disapproves of Carly. He wants Jason to make better choices, so he decides to remove Carly as an option.

After Jason is shot and is at the boxcar, Sonny tells Jason, “Now you know who we both are.” And Jason just looks at him with empty eyes. It’s this that shakes him. Not the loss of Carly, but the destruction of who he is. What he thought about himself. He had two pillars holding him up — Robin and Sonny. And by the end of 1999, both of those relationships are irrevocably changed.

For Jason, while it might be factually true that Robin and Sonny accepted him, he doesn’t believe that anymore. Because the one thing he asked for them to do  — to accept that he makes his own choices, even his own mistakes, they ultimately couldn’t respect.

So, yeah, everyone upset with this comment is right. Factually, Carly was not the person who accepted him first. But in Jason’s own perception (a key word here), I think there’s room to argue that Jason sees it differently.

As for the Quartermaines  — that’s actually easier. Emily was a teenager, so I think Jason just doesn’t think about her as accepting or not accepting. She was special to him from the beginning. And Ned? Jason sees that as transactional. He was friendly with Ned until he learned Ned was just like the rest of the Quartermaines — lying about the accident to cover for AJ. They never really recovered from that. As for Lila, I do wish he spoke about her more, but I don’t think Jason had many scenes with Lila at all once he came back in 2002, which is sad. Maybe she’s just too painful to talk about.

The Jason/Carly Dynamic

There’s no arguing that it’s one of the most toxic friendships in soaps today, and it’s always been that way. They started as no name sex partners, and Carly spent a great deal of 1996 being an obsessive ex, fuming that Robin had usurped her. But I rediscovered something interesting when I did a rewatch of 1997.

Jason and Carly were friends that year. Truly friends. In a way that they were never before or since. Carly moves in with Tony after the first of the year, bubbly and anxious about this new chapter. She believes herself in love with Tony for most of the year, scheming to keep the baby’s paternity from him. Jason is the person she talks to, that she really opens up to. There’s still sexual tension, but Jason also sees her as a friend.

Which is why when Carly is at rock bottom and everyone coming down on her, threatening to take Michael from her, Carly goes to Jason and she does something that changes their entire relationship. She asks him to save her world. To be a hero. Because only he can do this for her. For a guy who’s spent the better part of two years struggling for people to see him as something more than damaged, it must have been incredibly flattering. Like it or not, Robin and Jason’s relationship has that teacher/student dynamic that exhausts itself and they struggled to rebuild when Jason no longer needed someone to guide him. Carly not only didn’t look to tell Jason what to do, she wanted Jason to save her.

For me, that’s kind of where the Jason/Carly relationship has always stayed. Carly looks to Jason to save the world, and Jason is always going to come to her call. She gave him Michael. It doesn’t matter that Michael wasn’t his to keep or that it wasn’t healthy for Jason to continue loving him the way he did. Michael opened a piece of Jason’s emotional character that changed his entire life. For better or worse, it’s hard for Jason to turn his back on Carly. Because for a long time, it was turning his back on Michael.

I think this was an interesting dynamic for a while, but it became destructive by the end of the romantic Jason/Carly period when she slept with Sonny. They closed that door on the romance part of their characters, and it was for the better. Gradually, though it took some time, Jason and Carly built a better, more healthy friendship, though it was always tinged with the savior complex Carly can’t let go of.

For the better part of 2005-2012, they’re actually rarely in the same storyline. Carly judges all his choices, but basically leaves him alone to live his life. Jason does his own thing, apart from Sonny and Carly, though always involved in the business. I think Jason had an epiphany after the death of Sam’s baby that he had tied himself too much to Sonny and Carly, and he very deliberately pulled himself back. If you go back and look and those years, I think you’ll find that while he’s always in their circle, they’re not tied together the way they are now. Jason being completely up their asses did not happen until his return in 2017, and even then, he had his own stories with Sam, supporting Elizabeth through her various issues with the idiot she married, etc.

I think we were all scarred by that horrible Jason/Carly romance in 2021 and after that was shoved down our throats, we just want Carly out of his life entirely. I sympathize, I do. The recent Pikeman story was cut off before we got anywhere, but he showed real frustration with her, real anger — which was promising. I’m hoping for a better, new dynamic in the future. Because I am, as always, the eternal optimist.

Site News

General Hospital in 2024: Better and Still Terrible

Melissa1 Comment

We’re halfway through the year, and also roughly three months into the new head writing regime, and I had a lot of thoughts that didn’t quite fit into tweets. Mostly because people only read one tweet in a thread, and I think it’s kind of important to collect these thoughts into a larger picture because a few things are allowed to be true at once.

  1. General Hospital is qualitatively better than when Patrick Mulcahey & Elizabeth Korte took over.
  2. General Hospital is still kind of terrible, and I still don’t like a lot of the stories or characters.
  3. I’m enjoying watching live and intend to keep doing so.

You would think that Number 2 on that list would somehow outweigh 1 & 3, and it’s true that some days, it absolutely does. Not all episodes are good, not all stories have been thought out well. You can see where some of the storylines feel planned, and there are others that feel like well, we’re throwing spaghetti at the wall, and hoping something sticks. It makes for a serious mixed bag, but the good has earned back a little of my trust, and my hope that we move more firmly into Elizabeth Korte’s solo tenure, I get more of 1 & 3 and 2 feels like a fever dream.

Let’s break this down into The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, but I’m going to reverse that so we can start with what needs to be handled ASAP.

The Ugly

The Optical Illusion of the Robinson-Ashford Family

Initially, there was some hope early on that we were going to get some decent material for the show’s sole Black family. Marshall’s medical storyline was wrapped very quickly, but it was wrapped up with some really smart writing about the racism experienced by Black people in this country (and in the world). It was good to see, but it wasn’t nearly enough. I became interested in the story pretty much for the first time, and then it was gone. It took me a long time to get warmed up to Marshall, and my entire affection for him was due to Robert Gossett, Jr. whom I watched for years on The Closer and Major Crimes.  The same goes for Stella who has always had uneven writing, but Vernae Watson sells everything just from the sheer force of charisma. Now, Marshall has disappeared (the actor taken off contract) and Stella’s a talk-to again. Stella’s got a really interesting job at the hospital that could fuel storylines, but I can’t even remember the last time we saw her.

Portia and Curtis got some wonderful material when they wrapped up his paralysis storyline, and the chemistry of their characters finally started to shine again. We got to see their bedroom for what had to be the first time, right? Now, Curtis mostly exists to support Drew and Portia shows up at the hospital when needed. I wish I could make their paragraph longer, but, uh, I can’t. There’s nothing to write about.

Trina got some fantastic scenes with Stella about her grief with Spencer, and then a beautiful scene at his graveyard. It’s no secret that Tabyana Ali went from being one of the leads in that YA scene under the old writers, and that her screen time has seriously diminished, both in quantity and quality. There could be a thousand reasons for it — my personal theory is that Nicholas Chavez was never supposed to be gone that long, and they simply didn’t plan to do much with Trina in his absence. When filming took longer, and then he ultimately was released from his contract, the writers didn’t have a good plan for what to do with Trina and still struggle now.  That’s a problem. Not just because Trina is one of the most popular characters on the show, but because it suggests the writers still only write for the men and see the women as appendages. Add in the fact that Taby has recently gotten a lot of mainstream press for speaking eloquently against the recent racist attacks on social media, anyone tuning in would find that Trina mostly appears now as Friend #1 in Joss scenes.  The YA scene is terrible, and it’s going to keep GH from rebounding in the ratings or attracting new viewers.

TJ is probably the only Black character on this show getting anything to do — but he’s only used to fuel conflict between Molly and Kristina. I will say that he’s had more to do recently, and the new Molly has good chemistry with him, but I gotta say — the surrogacy story isn’t doing him any favors. TJ is the longest-running current Black character on the show (contract-wise). They built an entire family around him and I don’t feel like I know anything about him.

I’d talk about Jordan, but she hasn’t been on this year except for some really uncomfortable flirtatious scenes with Brick, some chemistry testing with Drew, and some scenes where she’s the straight man to mayor Laura Collins’ goofy ass plan to help Heather Webber. Jordan has been recast twice, and maybe they struggle with the fact that neither of the last two actresses look nearly old enough to be TJ’s mother or have the maternal energy to pull off that relationship. I’m trying to picture Jordan in the hospital room, holding her grandchild and, uh, it’s not working for me. This isn’t surprising because Tanisha Harper and Tahj Bellows are 9 years apart and look roughly the same age most of the time. I don’t know how you fix that problem without a recast, to be honest, and that sucks because I love both these actors.

Taggert’s still drinking at Kelly’s, and has been since last July, so when we say MIA, I mean it. I don’t think Trina’s even mentioned her father. This really sucks because I’ve always loved Taggert, and the idea of him back at the PCPD with Jason back from the dead? COME ON. Can’t I have a reunion? Imagine Taggert working with Anna and Jason? How much fun would that history be? Anna being more trusting and cooperative with Jason, and Taggert being all, Anger Boy, you’re still a dumb ass–just give me what I want.

Heather Webber’s Hips of Madness Has To Go

I am so tired of being stuck with terrible characters because someone behind the scenes likes the damned actor. It’s why we were afflicted with Roger Howarth and Michael Easton for a goddamn decade. And let me tell you–the fact that the two MALE actors were allowed to get character after character, but the ONE female transplant, Kristin Alderson, left over financial reasons in 2015? GH is never going to beat the backstage misogyny allegations.

Heather Webber was a vixen in the late 1970s and 1980s. I recently rewatched a lot of the Susan Moore murder storyline on YouTube as research, and Robin Mattson’s Heather was delightfully fun, twisty, and selfish. I can see why she was popular at the time. But she left the show in the early 1980s, and no one missed her. She lifted right out. Her returns in 2004-05 and 2012-14 were not good. Robin Mattson was never the problem, but Ron Carlivati pushed that character into the insane psychopath territory, and that’s just where characters go to die. Then GH gave her two retconned kids, Franco and Esme, and both of them were deeply problematic characters for reasons we can’t get into here.

They recast Heather with Alley Mills when they decided to make Esme her daughter. (My God, the dumbest shit we’ve ever seen).  And now because Alley won an Emmy and Frank likes her, we gave her a poisoned hip, and Laura’s running around trying to free her (or not? I don’t know, every time Laura talks about it, my mind glazes over because it makes no sense). Giving Laura another “redeem a misunderstood and damaged criminal” story back to back after Esme’s insulting amnesia? You’ve got to be shitting me.

The only saving grace is that the majority of the people Laura talks to are looking at her like she’s insane. Trina got to react negatively (not enough for my liking, but it’s something), Jordan was like, uh optics, mayor? But it’s just a weird story that doesn’t hold together well. We’re not talking fully about the implications of Heather’s crimes and who she hurt. Sasha isn’t getting to react, and Heather murdered Brando. Esme died killing Spencer, and Heather’s grief has been more explicit than literally anyone else, including Alexis and Sonny. It’s not okay.

Redemption stories are touchy for me because they’re rarely done well. Not all crimes can be redeemed. Not all people can be redeemed. A lot of the times, characters and those who write them act as if redemption is a destination–something you reach and then never have to think about again. Redemption is something that gets earned and that you have to continually work hard to keep. After the absolute disaster of Franco’s Magical DVD Redemption Tour, GH needs to stay far away from redeeming ANYONE.

Especially Heather Webber. Let her die, and let Alley Mills go find work somewhere else.

The Bad

The Generational Gap of God Damn, They’re Boring

The best soaps have tiers of stories to appeal to all audience. I started watching GH in the 90s, and I really loved that you had the older characters like Alan, Monica, Bobbie, Tony, Mac, Katherine, Lucy, and Felicia having their own adventures, while the next group with Sonny, Brenda, Jason, Carly, Robin, and Jax were doing their own thing, and then you had your teen/YA scene of Nikolas, Emily, Elizabeth, Sarah, and Lucky. There was interaction and mixing of stories from time to time (I loved how many characters were at Mac and Felicia’s 1998 wedding and the 1997 Sonny and Brenda wedding that wasn’t)

GH doesn’t have that right now. The only story that’s remotely working is the Jason story, and he’s firmly in that older group. Every character under the age of 40 is terrible on this show. They’re boring, bland, very rarely doing anything interesting, and they make me want to set myself on fire.

Michael has been boring the brain cells for probably the last five or six years. The last time I was remotely interested in him was the pairing with Nelle, and he was mostly written as a gullible idiot. The last two pairings of Sasha and Willow make me want to stab things. That being said, there’s still time to redeem this man. He’s a Q son of Carly. The dude should be fucking things up and fucking women right and left. Like why we turned him into a boring family man, I don’t know. He needs to throw Sasha across the kitchen counter and let Willow catch them or something. I don’t know. I don’t. I just know putting Michael and Willow in scenes together makes me want to take a nap, and that can’t be good.

Brook Lyn and Chase have been mildly better since the wedding. I really liked the united way they handled the Finn alcoholism, and I saw a lot of the chemistry that existed when they first got together. Chase has also had the best material since his dad’s death and his brother’s dive into the bottle — I’m sort of engaged in them, but I’m also really doubtful where they can go from here.

Sasha and Cody aren’t interesting enough for a paragraph. Reveal the paternity, and then let Cody and Willow catch Michael and Sasha together. Or let them think they’ve caught them together, then go have revenge sex.

I just need more drama! And they’re not delivering.

I think Kristina, Molly, TJ, and Blaze are supposed to be in this generation, but I’m also bored senseless by the surrogacy story, and the singer we didn’t ask for, and her homophobic mother.  I’ve decided to crackship Molly and Dex. We’re calling them Dolly.

I don’t know what to say about the YA group. It’s basically Joss, Dex, Trina, and Gio. God help us all. I don’t know why Joss and Dex are broken up still. I think they tried to explain it this week, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s stupid. Evan Hofer is a much better actor than the material he’s given, and he needs a pairing with someone who isn’t a narcisstic sociopath. I vote for Molly. See above.

Joss is a garbage fire. I’m sorry. Eden McCoy is probably a nice person. The acting is fine. The character is hot garbage. She needs to go away for six months and come back with a personality that’s more than smug, less interesting version of her mother.

Gio plays the violin. And that’s it.

I’d talk about the teen scene, but it’s basically Hudson West and a couple of boys with terrible TikTok hair who can’t deliver a line if their life was at stake. So, yeah. Where’s Charlotte when you need someone interesting?

The Good

DING DONG THE FIZ IS DEAD AND THE ALBATROSS WAS SHOT DOWN

Michael Easton FINALLY left. Siri, play “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang.

They broke up Finn and Elizabeth, and Fin was the villain at every stage. He was an asshole to Elizabeth sober and drunk, just proving the red flag we talked about for THREE YEARS is went down with the ship. He was an asshole to Portia and Terri when they tried to help him–just an awful, garbage fire of a person, and a mediocre actor on his best day. Glory be to God, the OLTL experiment is finally over. Elizabeth’s hostage crisis has ended.

I Like The Jason Story FIGHT ME

Far away, the best story on the show right now is the Jason storyline. Listen very carefully when I say this: The “best” story among the garbage fire of all the rest does not mean this is a perfect story. It’s not. There are problems with it, mostly with pacing and momentum. I think there are ways we could strengthen it, and draw in more history and cast. No story is ever perfect, and I’ve rewritten my own material enough to know.

That being said — Jason’s return shows the most promise because they’ve set up some dominos, and they’re starting to fall. We had a Jason/Anna scene in April where Jason told Anna that he’d done this to protect Carly, and we were cutting back and forth between Jason saying Carly could know never because she’d do something to make it worse and Carly already making it worse by visiting Brennan. We spent May slowing integrating Jason back into the canvas. He had scenes with Danny and Sam. He talked to Elizabeth about Jake (who made it clear he didn’t want to see his father right now), and then in June we started to push forward with the rest of the story. Now more people know why Jason did it — Sam and Spinelli. Sam took the info to Carly, who confronted Jason. Now Jason has the added pressure of knowing that three people who have problems with impulse control know this information. Meanwhile, Anna is trying to investigate Valentin, though I’m divided on how useful she really is. And we already know Carly’s screwed things up because Brennan’s told Valentin that Jason’s their “Jacob Alan” plant and the FBI is involved.

In the middle of all that, we also got some really good Jason and Elizabeth scenes — the first scenes where Jason has been able to relax. To show off his own personality again, to just be with someone who isn’t demanding answers. Maybe you can argue Elizabeth should be — but she’s known him too long. Demanding things from Jason doesn’t work. He doesn’t open up easily — and he’s not going to do it the first time they reconnect. But Jason’s also checking in with her, which is good. Jason’s starting to live his life again —

And this is about the time when things should go bad, so I’m interested in seeing where July takes us.

General Hospital is better now than it was a year ago. The writing, scene to scene, is better. The scene length and episodic structure is insanely better. I can actually follow an entire episode without feeling whiplash.

General Hospital is also still pretty bad. You don’t dig out from the horror show that we’ve had in three months. But I’ve seen enough change that I’m watching again daily. I’m interested in seeing what happens when Korte has sole control — something she hasn’t ever had in her entire time. She’s never had final say over the writing (and she really doesn’t — Frank’s still there, but she’s closer now than she’s ever been). She’s written some of my favorite Elizabeth material over the years. I’m excited to see what her GH looks like, now that we finally have a Head Writer that’s ours, and not another transplant from a cancelled soap.

Commentary

#GH’s Stale & Crusty Couples (Crimson Suds #3)

MelissaLeave a comment

Note: This script was written for an unfilmed episode in September of 2020, but I stand by all the observations. I didn’t update it for the last ten months of story because I think it mostly still applies.

Pre-Credits

Does anyone remember Love in the Afternoon? The super couples of the 80s and the messy love affairs of the 90s?

We used to have Luke and Laura, Frisco and Felicia, Sonny and Brenda, Jason and Robin –

Now we have Sonny and Carly – Jason and Sam – Michael and Willow.

As if 2020 hasn’t been hard enough.

Continue reading “#GH’s Stale & Crusty Couples (Crimson Suds #3)” →

Snark Watch

Snark Watch: September 2, 2020

MelissaLeave a comment

While Watching | What Happened | Thoughts 

While Watching

What Happened

  • Sonny, Carly, and Felix took Mike to the track, er, to the set that doubles as the Cassadine stables because Frank hired a horse. Jason disappeared at some point and was not on today.
  • Sonny and Mike’s scenes were sweet and reminded me of my grandmother which wasn’t fun, but I’m still not buying this story. I have lots of thoughts.
  • Anna and Robert were on, showing these fools how it’s done. Maxie and Peter were on, but who cares.
  • Lulu and Dustin visited Brook who remains salty.
  • Sasha and Chase talked about telling Michael and Willow the truth now that Nelle is gone. Chase hid in the bushes and realized that Willow is moving on (I’ll get to why), and Sasha went to talk Brook into giving Chase a chance because…I don’t know. Sasha’s weird, dude.
  • Carly and Sonny had a talk in the stables that was boring and I missed.
  • Michael and Willow talked about backgammon. I shit you not. Also, Michael pretended that he was close to Mike growing up which is a filthy lie.
  • Ned tried to talk Olivia out of going to see Dante because Olivia needs to stay in Port Charles and RAISE HIS KID because Ned is a selfish bitch who can’t be bothered to figure out how to run his own life. Olivia said, PEACE OUT, and left with Robert. They were the best part.
  • Previews: Sam’s back to whine about Valentin, Spinelli found something interesting on his computer, and Anna is going to see Alex in Berlin.

Thoughts

Uh, today seemed to be a transition show mostly. Reorienting things after the Nurse’s Ball and the kidnapping. The terrible group of idiots (Willow, Sasha, Michael, and Chase) were all on, talking about their situation. Setting things up so that Sasha can be depressed and alone so she can be a coke addict, while Chase flirts with Brook, and Michael and Willow play backgammon. (I just–)

The Mike storyline is winding down and we’re doing a lot of pretending about how much Sonny gave a shit about Mike at any point in his life. I think that’ll be my big article this weekend, but I’m honestly mixed on this. The performances are great, and they’ve clearly done their research because a lot of this feels like when I lost my grandmother. But it’s false because no one, including this show, ever gave a single fuck about Mike Corbin, and pretending differently is making it hard for me to care. Sometimes I do, but then they start talking about all these memories Sonny had with his father, and Carly is all — I love Mike, and Michael’s waxing poetic about his grandfather — to be honest — it’s all a retcon.

The Peter storyline was on, but I’m ignoring it exists until the show decides Peter is actually a villain. They can’t decide, and I’m not giving them any energy until they do.

The Ned and Olivia stuff is the best part of the show because it feels real, honest, and rooted in character. Plus, I’m intrigued by Olivia and Robert in scenes together. I don’t know why.

Snark Watch

Snark Watch: September 1, 2020

MelissaLeave a comment

While Watching | What Happened | Thoughts 

While Watching

What Happened

  • Neil actually DIED. Like for realsies. It’s so weird.
  • We have a new MacGuffin that we’re going to hearing about every five minutes until we stab ourselves. The new “blanket from the nursery” is Nina’s necklace which you can buy at Claire’s for $10. Jax has a jeweler who is tracing it to an artisan. Bitch, that was mass-produced in China like all of Claire’s jewelry.
  • Sam and Jason were so excited to be back together as a family that they both each abandoned their kids with someone (Monica?) to separate places. Sam, for some reason, was at her mother’s house even though that made no sense, and Jason went to hold Michael’s hand because Michael has no friends his own age.
  • Ned decided five minutes after Brook woke up to get mad because she won’t forgive him for being an asshole. And then got mad at Olivia who’s off to see Dante — the son she hasn’t seen for over a year. He was a real winner today.
  • The show is setting us up for Mike’s death by reminding us that Sonny REALLY loves his father. And so do Carly and Jason. Despite the fact that Ron Hale literally had five scenes with these fools between 2003-2010.
  • Willow and Michael are really boring.
  • Carly is being haunted by Nelle and not telling Sonny about the cliff, which both Jax and I support.
  • If I missed anything, it’s because it was boring and I passed out.

Thoughts

Well, Neil died. I mean, died in a way that’s unusual on this show. I don’t know what’s going on there. That didn’t get spoiled for me or anyone else I know. I don’t know if it’s because no one cares or if the show held it close to their chest. Both could also be true.

They’re really shoving Michael and Willow down our throats, which makes me mad because I love a marriage of convenience story and this is a bust from to top to bottom. I’m glad I’m not a fan of Jason and Sam as a couple because I’d be REALLY pissed if my couple were held apart by circumstances for the better part of three years, and they don’t get more than one scene at home before getting up at dawn to abandon their kids with someone to be with other people.

I do not, in the slightest, care about Nina’s kid or this necklace. Is it Willow? Is it Nelle? Are they twins? Like — no. I don’t give a shit. I tried, but I can’t do it.

Ned being a pushy Quartermaine who demands Brook pay attention to him and that Olivia think only of him — that was an unwelcome return to the version of Ned I’ve never liked. But at least it’s something and people are mad at each other, so I’ll take it.

Site News

Snark Watch: August 31, 2020

Melissa1 Comment

While Watching | What Happened | Thoughts 

While Watching

What Happened

  • Carly lied to Valerie about what happened with Nelle, but Val looks suspicious. I think she was anyway. The camera barely let the girl on screen.
  • She also didn’t tell Sonny yet. She will. But didn’t on today’s show.
  • Michael and Willow might have kissed. It’s hard to tell — we don’t get to see those anymore. Which I’m good with. No one needs that.
  • Neil and Alexis got back together, had sex, and we didn’t have to watch Alexis hyperventilate like a crazy person.
  • Jason moved back home, and he told Sam about Taggert being alive. Expect Sam to fuck up that whole thing in about six seconds.
  • Also Sam screamed at Valentin because he had the nerve to have an ulterior motive. (I would have thought it was implicit in the last name but she’s always been dumb.)
  • Sonny visited Mike even though it’s still the same night as the Nurse’s Ball and told him it’s okay to let go. I think he’s holding on for a hero.
  • Valentin and Nina argued again about how he’s a liar, and Valentin was big mad that Jax might have a lead on Nina’s kid. Because it’s the winning that matters, not the finding. Asshole.
  • And the search found the necklace — so I guess Nelle is Nina’s daughter? Joy.
  • We ended on the next morning with Alexis and Neil — and he’s cold in the bed. Like — is he dead? I can’t–This show.

Thoughts

This was a boring show bookmarked by bouts of nightmares. Valentin and Nina are still having the same conversation they always had. Jason and Sam are at least finally back together after three years of STeve being back, so I hope JaSam fans are happy. The rest of us are bored, so…there’s that.

Literally — the only thing worth noting is that Carly lied to the cops and Jax knows it. Then she didn’t tell Sonny right away.  That’s it. That’s the only thing that matters.

Valerie was on. But the camera barely let her enjoy her air time.

I don’t know. It wasn’t a good episode. I think it was supposed to be. But the couples on this show are weak, boring, and bland, so a show that should have been sweet, romantic moments just fell flat.

Oh, and Neil might be dead. So if that bothers you — *shrugs*

This Week

The Tragedy of Nelle Benson & The Kidnapping That Wasn’t

MelissaLeave a comment

Each week, I’m going to pick out the A story on General Hospital and break it down. Was it successful? Was it a flop? How did it effect the characters? What are the implications?

What Happened

Last Friday, Nelle slashed Brook Lynn ‘s throat while her reluctant husband kidnapped Wiley from his (apparently) unguarded bed at the Quartermaine Mansion. Cursed by second thoughts, Julian monologued while threatening to kill Nelle, giving the undead Taggert time to tackle him and get shot. Nelle got away with Wiley in tow, leading everyone on a chase to a cabin that apparently was well-known to Michael and his family. Nelle abandoned Wiley to Michael and took off, hoping to fight another day. Carly, having caught up with Nelle and Michael, went after her. They fought, verbally and physically (Carly got a caught to the kick we all enjoyed) before Nelle accidently fell off a cliff and slipped away to a likely (but probably not) death.  Jax caught up and attempted to talk Carly into not telling the authorities she fought with Nelle, hoping to save his ex-wife from the police and a murder charge.

Why It Bombed

I have never watched a show that was so capable of putting delicious ingredients into a pot, and then dumping a whole bunch of literal shit on top to ruin the meal.  Of all the soaps that returned this week, General Hospital should have been the most poised for success. Kidnappings, throat slashings, hostile company takeovers, the Nurse’s Ball — this August return should have been epic.

It was not.

The problem with this story is the pacing. At the end of the day, General Hospital kills its own momentum. We spent an entire day of Julian monologuing to Nelle, threatening to kill her and turn Wiley back over to his parents, slowing the story down. No one thought Julian was ever going to do this, so it was a waste of space.

We had Willow hanging out at the Q mansion so she could be visited by Nina and Lulu so we could what…? Make sure Cynthia Watros and Emme Rylan got those minimums? Willow should have been with Michael. This was the show’s chance to show this marriage of convenience in action. Why do I want Michael and Willow together? I don’t. Because they’re just boring. But show me them working together–understanding each other–comforting each other.

Instead of this being Michael and Willow’s story, this was Carly’s story. Michael was just hanging out in the background, like he always does.

Nelle went to the cabin that Michael had taken her to…? Why, exactly? Why not head straight for the airport or for the Canadian border? She had passports! She could have kept driving straight out of New York! When you write your characters as stupid all of the time, there’s never any threat. I knew Nelle wasn’t going to get away. Because she’s up against the almighty Corinthos clan, and they’re not allowed to lose.

Also — Carly and Sonny should never be allowed into the Quartermaine mansion unless they’re breaking in. Monica does not get to slap them enough for the bullshit with AJ, and when Carly took Monica to the hospital, I almost threw up.

People are too nice to each other on this show, and considering Carly drugged AJ, lied to him repeatedly, cheated on him, and had his parental rights terminated through violent threats, I really think it’s okay if Monica doesn’t like her. (And of course — COVERED UP HIS MURDER AND LIED ABOUT HIS FINAL WORDS). Michael should be torn between his Corinthos and Quartermaine families repeatedly but — everyone is happy?

So this story bombed because it focused on the wrong characters in the wrong settings, and wasted space with a Julian threat that was never going to work.

What Almost Worked

While I would have liked to see Michael finally taking charge of his own life (did anyone else have flashbacks to the Wiley reveal when Carly just yelled the whole time?), at the end of the day, he was always a pawn in Nelle’s plan. This was always a Nelle vs. Carly storyline, and I can live with that idea.

And that brings us to the tragedy of Nelle Benson who deserved so much better, and to the disaster of Carly Corinthos, who used to be so much more.

Nelle is supposed to be Carly’s adopted half-sister, raised by Carly’s adopted father, Frank Benson. She was supposed to be the second coming of Carly Roberts, the hellion who blew into town in 1996 and destroyed everyone she touched. Nelle did what she was supposed to do — and she even followed Carly’s playbook. She drugged a man to make him think a lie, she got pregnant in order to secure her position, she manipulated people into thinking she was something special, and did it all with a twinkle in her eye.

I’m sorry — is that not Carly’s origin story?

On Thursday, Nelle threw this story in Carly’s face, and Carly told her that she (Carly) had turned a corner and wasn’t that person anymore. And you know, there’s a time I would have believed that. Tamara Braun’s version of Carly? Still conniving, still scheming, but there was a heart underneath. Even early during Laura Wright’s tenure, they played that beat a few times. And Sarah Joy Brown pioneered the misunderstood vixen who manage to grab us while being completely insane.

After twenty-four years, yeah, I guess Carly should be redeemed.

And this brings me to my major problem with General Hospital: these writers fundamentally don’t understand the concept of redemption. Redemption might be a noun, but the act of redeeming is a verb that requires constant attention.

Redemption is not a one and done act. Carly does not get to be a nice person for five minutes out of every year, and all her crimes are swept under the rug. She does not get to blame Ava for Morgan’s downfall while never accepting her own accountability for AJ’s break in sobriety in 1997. AJ jumped off a cliff, yeah, but Carly and Sonny shoved him right to the edge over and over again (with a lot of help from Jason).

The show thinks a character can simply say I’m sorry and be done. That’s not how redemption works. And it’s why pretending Carly “turned” a corner rings hollow and false. Five years ago, she was actively covering up the murder of the man her son knew and loved as a father. She helped frame someone else to go to jail. And Michael was the one that had to forgive her. Carly and Sonny did nothing to earn his forgiveness — Michael offered it on his own.

And that’s the ultimate tragedy of Nelle Benson and all her failed attempts to bring accountability to Carly’s life. She should have been the mirror held up to Carly to show her that without Jason standing by her no matter what, she would be Nelle. Nelle never had a Jason. Imagine who she could have been with someone who always supported her, even when she didn’t deserve it?

This should have been a triumph for Carly. Instead, it was another reminder that this show does not understand the character of Carly Corinthos or why anyone ever liked her.

Where Do We Go From Here?

It’s hard to tell — because I used to be better at predicting what General Hospital would do. They never went with the messiest choice or the one I would make, but usually, the writers would pick something dramatic to do. Lately, the show decides to go with the choices that will give us the least interesting fall out.

What should happen is that Jax and Carly cover up Nelle’s death, hiding the truth from everyone including Sonny, Jason, and Michael. This drives a wedge between Sonny and Carly, brings Jax and Carly closer while paving the way for Nelle to come back one day and have her final revenge on the Corinthos family.

What will happen on Monday? Eh, Carly will probably tell Valerie the truth, Valerie may or may not believe her, and Sonny will give her a cookie for telling the truth. Who knows? I know what I want to happen, so so we’ll see.

 

Snark Watch

SNARK WATCH: August 28, 2020

MelissaLeave a comment

I also live tweet while I watch the show, so follow me on Twitter.

While Watching | What Happened | Thoughts 

While Watching

Segment 1

  • I have no idea what time of day things are happening. Is this the same night Wiley was kidnapped? And why hasn’t Michael called Willow yet if Sonny had time to get to the cabin? Adore Carly and Jax together — this would be a great way to shake up the canvas.
  • Every time I see Lulu on the screen, I immediately want to reach for the remote, so I’d like if Dante would complete this mission.
  • I don’t know where we’re going with Jordan and Jason, but, uh, I’m not mad about it.
  • I want to like Portia. I haven’t seen enough of her yet, but I have high hopes. I don’t know why. You’d think they’d beaten out of me by this point–

Segment 2

  • The only time that Sam doesn’t annoy me is in scenes with Alexis and her sisters.
  • Why aren’t more people annoyed Jason checked himself out AMA?
  • Oh, I guess Sam is?
  • I’m just so happy to have Taggert and Jason on the show again for the first time since 2003. Every time he calls him Anger Boy, I get happy smiles. They’ll ruin it, but I’m gonna enjoy it while I can.
  • VALERIE IS STILL ON THIS SHOW? Also, please call Willow? HOW THE HELL–
  • I guess Michael’s balls are on the shelf next to Jason’s in Carly’s closet…?
  • Oh, good — he remembers he’s married.
  • I hate Lulu. This was a terrible recast seven years ago, and we’re still being punished.
  • I would very much like Carly and Jax to be together because he calls her on her bullshit in a way that doesn’t sound like a patronizing dickwad. (I’m looking at you Sonny)
  • I hope Jax covers up Nelle’s death and Carly’s part in it and she lies to Sonny, because we need some drama and conflict on this show like NOW. Or maybe Sonny won’t believe she didn’t do it — ANYTHING PLEASE. I’m so fucking bored.

Segment 3

  • This trick really has the nerve to be mad at Jason about something? After everything she’s done? Good GOD. I hate this couple.
  • I need Steve’s hair to grow faster.
  • Sam KNOWS Alexis is going to think this was the worst thing ever because it is. You sold your kids and Michael down the river to sit with the man for 12 hours by the bed. You’re an idiot. Desperate and dumb since 2003.
  • I hate how short these scenes are. We need fewer people on every day with longer scenes. You could cut minimums in the contracts and tell better, more balanced stories.
  • I don’t mind Jason and Jordan working under the table together. I do mind Michael just selling his damn mother down the river  — YEAH SHE WENT AFTER NELLE YOU DUMB FUCK WHY ARE YOU TELLING THE COPS???

Segment 4

  • I’m guessing we didn’t know Portia and Curtis were a thing since we’re getting a recap. I can’t really sense any chemistry between them yet, but I don’t think there’s a lack of it either.
  • I need Alexis to have a grown up romance one day.
  • They’re wasting the fuck out of Dante’s return—oh WAIT–WSB wants him to go back on assignment? Really? REALLY. Wow. They’re dumb.
  • Like that Carly is pointing out cover-ups never work. Especially when Carly is involved. That’s something I miss about her character. Carly’s plans were epic fails and fun to watch.

Segment 5

  • This segment is boring. I’m sorry. Just not a lot to snark about. Michael is being stupid. It’s a day that ends in Y. He’s way too cooperative with the police. He’s gonna help Carly right into the electric chair at this rate.
  • Oh. Neil. Great. The teen romance continues.
  • Can I have a conversation with the wardrobe department? Because I have lots of questions.

Segment 6

  • Are Portia and Curtis drinking coffee at 2 AM? WHAT DAY IS THIS???
  • Jordan, you wanna scream this plan a little louder? Lord.
  • This the most interesting Jordan has ever been, so I guess we got that going for us.
  • I love Alexis. I just wish she weren’t written to be so damn dumb all the time.
  • Sam needs to get a life. I mean, that.
  • Oooh…are Jax and Carly just gonna be like — nope, never saw Nelle? Oh, man, I hope Carly is gonna lie to Sonny. Let me have nice things.

Segment 7

  • Can we stop disbarring Alexis?
  • I wonder what the GH writer’s room looks like.
  • Trina throwing snark at Curtis every five minutes gives me life.
  • Uh, weird flex to end the conversation —
  • It’s nice to see Jason having scenes with people who aren’t…the others.
  • Weird camera angle on Jason’s exit.
  • I love Dante, but I am bored AF by this return. Can we just get it going–
  • I wish I liked Dustin. I was a huge Brody fan back in the day, but anyone who finds Lulu interesting makes me want to set them on fire.
  • MICHAEL BROUGHT WILEY HOME AND DIDN’T WAKE WILLOW UP? JFC. I HATE HIM–

Previews

  • Oooh, is Jason going to lie to Sam?
  • Please, please, please lie to the cops, Carly. I need someone to do something interesting!

What Happened

  • Portia and Curtis went into detail about their affair and now Portia knows that Jordan knows.
  • Jason confronted Jordan about Taggert being alive, and promised to help her bring him back and keep her secrets.
  • Sam complained to Alexis that Jason checked himself out to look for Wiley and she hasn’t heard from him. Because she has no damn life and no other friends.
  • Neil came over to see if Alexis might want to try again. Because we’re sixteen.
  • Jax told Carly they need to cover up Nelle’s fall off the cliff.
  • Michael was dumb for the entire episode. It turns out Valerie is still on this show.
  • Lulu visited Willow for some dumbass reason.
  • Dante refused a WSB assignment on someone close to him, but did agree to treatment finally. (WTF HAS HE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST YEAR?)

Thoughts

Today was not terrible. I liked the energy with Carly and Jax. I’m hoping Carly agrees to the cover-up of Nelle’s “death” so that there’s some secrets being kept. I hope she lies to Sonny. I want something interesting for these characters, and if Brenda came back, I think we could really shake up this trio. Plus, Nina interests me not at all.

I’m also interested in the energy between Jason and Jordan because clearly Sam is finally realizing she’s not first in Jason’s life, no matter what she sacrifices. Obviously, we’re doing something with Portia and Curtis but I need to see more because I can tell you whether it’s worth watching.

I think it’s Jason’s turn to get a new love interest — the man hasn’t had a new woman in his life since 2004, and it’s not fair, tbh. He’s only been with Robin, Carly, Courtney, Sam, and Elizabeth, and he’s known all of those women since at least 2003. He needs something new. I also like the idea that he’s flirting with cooperating with the police and seeing his skills used for good for a change.

Michael is stupid. He’s mayonnaise wrapped in marshmallow stupid, and he talks too much all the time. If Carly gets blamed for Nelle’s death, it’s going to be because his dumbass decided to tell the cops his mom went after Nelle. I swear to God–

I have no thoughts on Dante or Lulu. Dominic Zamprogna is back, but I don’t know for how long and this man deserves a new love interest, too. He’s only really been with Lulu. We never got to enjoy Valerie and Brook as real options. So I hope we’re closing the book on Lante.

We need some serious shake ups — the last major break up was Valentin and Nina. I know Michael and Willow broke up with their people, but that was Sasha and Chase forcing it. Couples on a soap have a shelf life. They should rotate every few years.